A new nest

I've been here almost fourteen years. I can’t remember when I met Lauren, but the first session I went to was the very first Starling session. We learnt a beautiful Palestinian song. The guy that was teaching it, he didn't know how to teach, but I liked the process. And I liked how John and Lauren were facilitating the group. 

As a musician and a teacher (I have my own choir, and we do Greek traditional), I enjoyed seeing the process – this is the melody, how do we make it as a group arrangement? In my choir, I'm the one facilitating, I'm the one teaching, I'm the one that has to be all over the place. But at Starling Sessions, I can be on the other side, the naughty participant that chats and meets people. Some are very good musicians, others used to play and were shy, and some come with no musical background, just enthusiasm. Different people have different ideas, but even those with no musical background are confident to share. I'm classically trained, and I'm super scared about improvising, so for me, it was like a process of letting go and sharing ideas that don't have to be perfect.   

After three years the appeal of Starling Sessions hasn’t faded.  We learn new songs, that's a given, and we learn something in different languages – although that's something I've done in the past as well. It still amazing to compare the melodies that we initially learned to the version that we perform at the end. What we’ve done to the Greek songs wouldn’t go down well in Greece, but I like it! Every melody is a canvas. You would expect after so many years that we would recycle some things, but there are lots of novel ideas. I also like the fact that it’s so international. With Brexit and all this anti-whatever-it-is, it feels like all the people there share something in common. We don't talk about politics, but I have the feeling that there is an affinity on many levels.   

Having said that, in the beginning I wasn’t socialising. I lived in North Oxford for a very long time, and because of my kids and work and depression and bad stuff at home, I wasn't going out. The perimeter of my life was a small circle, and Starling Sessions was happening on the other side. But I started socialising last year. It was a relaxing space. And musically, I gained a lot. I got tunes and some warm-ups and some teaching exercises. I've started a full-time job at a school recently, so I need lots of ideas like that. It also helped me meet a lot of musicians, like folk musicians. There’s a rich folk scene here, but you have to go out in the evenings. Now my kids are older, I decided to focus on myself. So I participate, I go to gigs and concerts. I don't have super, super close friendships, but I did make some close bonds with a lot of people. Suddenly you have events across pubs and open mic nights. I found Bossaphonik, and people in that folk music scene were doing things. I started going and suddenly, you're going to one pub, you're going to another folk thing and then you end up meeting the same faces. 

I divorced last year, and I’d wanted to divorce for a long time. Starling Sessions weren’t in any way a catalyst, but during that period, these Thursday evenings became very sacred to me. Me and my husband were separated but still living in the same house, so it was non-negotiable: I'm going to the session and then I'm going to the pub. It was time to diffuse, destress or forget. If I had an argument at home, I could just go there and let the steam out. Every Thursday, I would have a serious conversation. Not just chatting, but asking and learning about new things, a little bit about people’s lives. I realised a lot of starlings have painful stories. We all have something that we needed as part of the group. It's not only the music. Everybody felt the need to find a group and feel supported.   

I don’t know if this is because of Starlings, but it coincided with the sessions. In the beginning the group had a personal meaning – it was something that I did for myself, because as a musician and as a person over the last ten years, I did nothing for myself. And Starlings coincided with me wanting that not just on a Thursday night, but more generally. I started going to these summer courses in Greece. I had tried that a few years before Starlings started, but after that, three years in a row I went to Greece and I came up with new songs for my group. I also came up with ideas for listening to and understanding music, and teaching ideas. It coincided – I cannot say which caused which – but it coincided with the flow towards dedicating more time for myself. I started feeling less embarrassed about making mistakes. I became okay with not being perfect and stuff like that. I can enjoy the fact that I kind of let go, and if I don’t get it, it's fine, I'm just going with the flow. 

I think it's mostly for my own sanity that I continue Starling Sessions. Also, I'm a bit vain – I like the performance bit to be honest. I'm not an integral part of the group. I’m a pianist, but I don't play the piano there. I play the drums, I sing, I play the recorder – nothing that the group couldn't survive without. But it's a collective, and whenever there is a performance opportunity, usually I will try to make it happen. I like the preparation. I like the feel of a band. It's the same people, and we work towards something as one, and everybody knows what we're doing. It’s the time we’re spending together. 

These sessions are part of my new life, because it was the only bit of my life that I kept completely for myself over the last two years when things were not okay at home. Me and my ex-husband are on good terms, and we have common friends. But this is the only group of people that my other friends don't know. It's like my new little nest, and we share music, we share jam sessions, it's nice. As I said, I’m not friends with all of them, but we're friendly. It feels like an extra support. We have a chat for any crazy idea, song, gig, or even just: ‘I'm going to the cinema, does anybody fancy going?’ It’s became a community.